I am probably the most inconsistent blogger in the history of blogging.  I let months go by even though my journal of topics continues to fill with ideas that I want to explore more through writing.  I am, for now, back….and this time, I am exploring a topic that is slowly breaking my heart.    It is a chasm that is dividing His people and we continue to make it wider and deeper.

I have been wrestling for months with what I am seeing in believers all around me.  It has made me angry and at other times, brought me to tears.  I feel like my heart has all these little fissures spilling out sadness because of what I see as an ever-growing sin in  Christians.   Politics has become an idol.  I am reminded of the following verse:

Psalms 106:36 They served their idols, which became a snare to them.

The enemy has set a trap and believers are walking right into the net while spewing hate and passing judgement on anyone who is not like-minded.  The snare has been very effective and too many are engaging in a way that does not bring honor to our Lord.    I have almost given up social media scrolling because the heart-break is too much; my heart fissures grow.  I have seen liberal and conservative Christians say horrible things and pass judgement on so many.  Sometimes, as I have read the words, I have to do a double take and ask my husband if I really just read what I read.  He looks at me lovingly and confirms that the hateful words are indeed right in front of me.  It makes me sad….and he has comforted me often in the last several months.

The posts, tweets, feeds, etc. have spanned the gamut of hate but the one thing they have in common is the idol of politics.  One loves the leader and believes he is infallible, the other hates the leader and points out every flaw.  Another calls another believer a name because they don’t agree.  One more compares Hell or Heaven to our earthly issues and is incensed over X, Y, or Z.  My most difficult issue is when there is a pointed accusation that a real Christian does not support the A, B, or C way.  I have seen blatant racism spew out from one and extreme allowance of all things “not from God” from another.

There are so many extremes right now and the enemy loves it…in fact, I imagine he is laughing almost constantly right now and very pleased with himself.  He is, in fact,  swaggering boldly about in top hat, monocle and cane.    He has so easily entangled us because we have taken our eyes off of Christ and put them on a party, a movement, and/or a person.  None of those things can satisfy and none can compare to Him.   However, all around us, Christians are serving the idol in the snare.    The causes and people we embrace are taking precedence over God and we are using them to point to Him.  However, nothing can be representative of Him.  He is.  We are also judging others based on the idol in the snare.  Our trust has shifted from Him to a man, a party, or a cause.   We are dancing around our very own fire with the golden calf in the middle and blind to the blatant sin.

Jeremiah 17:7 Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, and whose hope is the Lord.

Isn’t He in whom we should trust?  Isn’t He our only Savior?

But did you catch my earlier statement?  Liberal and Conservative Christians?  Should there be such a thing?  Should we not just simply be…..Christians?

We need to stop.  We need to burn the snare of the enemy and to put our eyes squarely back on Him.  We need to repent before the lack of love pulls away from what we are called to do…..

I am consistently reminded of 1 John 4:8 He who does not love does not know God, for God is love.

 

 

 

 

 

It has been several months since my last post.  My blog is titled Not so Random Ruminations:  My personal journey towards God.  Over the last several months, my journey towards Him continues.  At times it has been slow and other times it has been fast but what I love about my God is that He walks right beside me and paces me depending on what He is trying to build or correct in me.  There are times, when I can walk with Him fast and at other times when the chipping away of myself is hard and it makes me go a little slow.  I have to process.

But at every step of the way, He is there!  He is patient and kind or brutally honest and prodding.  It depends on the topic and it depends on my heart.  Am I willing to listen or do I want to walk away?  Do I listen fully or half-heartedly?

The last several months have been all about the listening.   There have been times when I have wanted to interrupt, wanted to go a different route (my route!) but the Lord keeps pacing me and moving me in His direction.  I just have to keep letting Him chip away.  But chipping away is not fun!

Years ago I visited the Galleria dell’Accademia in Florence, Italy.  This is where Michelangelo’s statue of David is found.  I remember standing in front of it and being amazed that every muscle and definition and line was so perfect.  It was just awe-inspiring!   Here is an enormous piece of marble in which an earthly sculptor used a chisel and other unknown tools to me and chipped away at this until David was born.  It took him 2 long years…in fact, some accounts say it took him over two years and he worked on it daily.

I am a piece of marble in a master Sculptor’s hands.  The Lord has this master plan of my final “look.”  He chips away with His fine chisel and is working on this and that and giving me definition.  Sometimes He has to stop or move over to another part of the marble block.  Unlike the David, I am a living piece of marble and I protest and say:  “Oh, not there.”  The Sculptor knows when it is time to chisel and chip away at each spot.  He does not move if I want Him too but He is always aware of the time to chisel and smooth.  Someone in our church group last night said that maybe we wiggle sometimes and boy, do I do that!  Wait, Lord!  That is an uncomfortable spot.  You are getting too personal now…or wait…I want that piece formed this way.  Are you sure you want to smooth that out, because I kind of like it?

But my Master Sculptor is all knowing and I have to trust that what He is creating in me is the ultimate statue that will show me in all He intended me to be.  He will take my whole lifetime to continue the work.  Michelangelo had a deadline,  God does not!  He won’t give up on the final product!  He won’t get frustrated and He will chisel until Yvonne is complete.  Now, that is a committed Sculptor.

He loves me so much and is committed to me as His creation.  He has decided how long I will live and He will chisel away until I am formed more and more perfectly.  I may not get it and I may understand the direction His artistry is going….but I have the most perfect hands working on me.

Lord, make me willing to always submit and to stop wiggling! The statue of David is beautiful but His work in me is destined to be even better….I just have to let Him continue His work.

 

 

 

 

I love to work in my garden and yard.  The temperature is getting warm enough so I have gotten back out there and it is exciting!

My vegetable garden is in place and I am waiting for my local (albeit modest) harvest of tomatoes, peppers (4 different kinds), potatoes, onions, and various herbs to grow.  I have to wait up to 90 days but the planting, fertilizer, watering, careful pruning, and weed pulling will all be worth the deliciousness that awaits.

My yard is green again.  The lovely grass is regaining its color.   From afar, it looks green and healthy.  I admired it a couple of Saturdays ago.  However, as I got on my knees and inspected it…..I saw weeds.  The horror!!!!  I put on my gloves and began to work at pulling these unpleasant guests.  You have to pull them just right.  You need to make sure you pull the whole thing out with the hairy roots.  If you don’t, it will regrow.  If you allow the weeds to continue unchecked, they will spread underground first and create a network of roots that will eventually take over the whole yard.  The yard may still be green but it will not be what was originally planted.

I have to be honest….I love pulling weeds.  I love the feeling of getting hold of the weed and pulling it out with just the right amount of coaxing, using the right pressure and moving my hand just right.  Then, I see the whole plant and root system come right up!  Ah, satisfaction!   My handiwork is below:

As I pulled weeds,  my excitement grew.  I know, I am just a bundle of fun here….but wait, seriously, it was just awesome to think that my particular effort would banish that weed from ever spreading and harming my yard or garden.  If I didn’t grab one well, it would grow back…and I would get it then.  I missed some because the yard had been mowed and the weeds were hiding but I will get those eventually…

They call me Weed Killer!!!!

That is the way of our life in Christ as well.  We are a yard and/or garden meant to grow, thrive and produce fruit.  However, sometimes we allow all sorts of weeds to stunt or choke the growth.    Those weeds may be our language, what we watch, work, food, past hurts, unfulfilled dreams, bitterness, anger, life in this world or insert the challenge here.  Our weeds are different sizes.  Some are tiny and we can’t see them yet but others are huge and spreading.  We also hold tight to some of our weeds.  We know some of them are dangerous and others we don’t think are so bad, so we let everything grow.   After all, everything is green…right?  It will blend in and from afar…as long as no one gets too close.

As we surrender and allow the Master Gardener to begin his work, those weeds will start coming out from the root.  Some of the pulling will be gentle, some not so gentle, some will be quick, and some will take time because the roots go deep.  The weed pulling process may be painful or even sad….and at times we may call out to STOP….but we must continue to allow for the gentle coaxing, the right pressure, the blessed pull that will take it all away for good.

Weed of hurt…gone.  Weed of disappointment…gone.   Weed of X, Y, Z…gone, gone, gone.

Then we must be careful to prevent them from coming back by doing those things that help our life grow towards HIM.  We must fertilize with the Word, allow the Spirit to pull weeds continually and water through worship and prayer.

Will we choose to just have our life mowed over so it looks pretty and hides the weeds?  Or will we allow God to put on the garden gloves and start pulling?

He is eager to start…and He is overjoyed at the final product…He is the perfect Master Gardener and His handiwork is a beauty.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I continue reading through the Bible this year as God has prodded me to do.  I have often been less than enthusiastic as I approach certain books of the Bible.  Can anyone think Leviticus or Chronicles?  These are spots where my conviction to read through the Bible begins to falter.  However, I realize that as I surrender what I find a challenge to read, He speaks.

I approach the books differently than I did in my younger days (not that I am old, let us be clear on that!).  I typically ask the Lord to show me what He wants to, but I confess I have not always done that with these more “interesting” books.  He has met me there through this journey at every turn and my list of items gleaned grows exponentially.

This morning, as I tackled my daily passage with Him, the following verse leapt off the page:

Fathers shall not be put to death for their children, nor shall children be put to death for their fathers;  a person shall be put to death for his own sin.  Deuteronomy 24:16

As we approach our celebration of Easter, the day of His resurrection, this verse was more than effective in bringing me to tears.    Wow!  Right there….a person shall be put to death for her own sin.  I am that person.  I could have been stoned by my people for a multitude of offenses.

But God…He stood in front of the first stone being hurled in my direction…

He paved a way out for me so that I may not suffer death but eternal life.  His name is Jesus.  He gave His own Son for me, for you, for all…and we are spared.   I am not only spared, but I am fully blessed.  I have the blessing of this life and the overwhelming life to come when I see Him face to face.

His death instead of my own.  What mercy, what grace!!!   So undeserved….and my heart is filled with gratitude, love and a deep need to cry, and bow in worship.

The cross, His ultimate sacrifice.  The rolled away stone,  His victory and my redemption…and the tears flow again….

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Do you ever have a very bad, horrible day?  How about a bad week, month, season or year?  Things just do not seem to go well on any level.  You think no other misfortune can come your way…and then pow, right in the kisser….another thing happens!!!!  You feel kicked when you are already down.

The range of your personal disaster can be big or small but it is your disaster.  You cannot see how things will get better in the moment.  The small can be when your co-workers just do not seem to work or when your children are misbehaving or that favorite pair of jeans no longer fits. The big can be disease, divorce, sorrow, a dream unfulfilled, children or the death of a loved one.  Either way, it is yours and at that moment in time it is hard to see God if we focus on the circumstance.

Today is the culmination of one of those weeks for me.  I have joint issues.  For years one thing or another hurts, gets aggravated, is tearing or has torn.   I cannot do the physical  activities I want to do.   I have grown used to my body and its mysterious God-given elasticity.  Most times, I see God in me in this area.

But not today….

After several recent injections, doctor’s visits and the beginning of another round of Physical Therapy, I had grown tired.  I was a little frustrated as I saw people from all age groups run a 5K yesterday for a worthy cause.    I was there to support my husband, my Superman.  I was wearing a leg brace as we later on went to a show.  It was difficult to walk down the slope of the theater.  Today my husband was packing for a business trip.  I was putting clothes up in the closet and WHAM….I fall and not in a nice, graceful way.  I fell right on my ACL-less knee.  I fell on my shoulder, my wrist swung back.  I hit the door.  If it is one thing I know how to do well, it is fall.  If it had not hurt so much or if I had not been in my emotional state, I might have laughed.

But not today….

I yelled.  Then, I was stunned.    I heaved myself to a sitting position, while my Superman ran to my side.  I was crying my eyes out.  I mean that ugly cry that will probably result in puffy eyes in the morning.  My dear husband sat on the floor near me.  He asked me the basic questions about how it happened and whether I was okay.  It was hard for him to understand me through all the tears but he got what had happened.   I remember saying that I was afraid.  We sat together on the floor.  Max, the dog, joined us.  He brought his toy as well and did attempt to lick me on multiple occasions.  As my husband was praying for me and touching each affected joint through prayer,  Max was licking his hand as well encouraging him to keep praying.

Max, the dog, is quite a talker…but that is another story for another time.

I just kept crying.  Big, fat tears and my eyes just welled with more.  Internally, I was just questioning and sad and angry.  Yes, anger was definitely one of the emotions.   I had so many questions.  Internally I asked:  Why me, Lord?  Why me?  How much longer?  Are other joints going to go out?  Will this just get worse with age and I will be in a wheelchair?  I thought you healed people?  The questions just kept coming along with the tears…Superman and Max consoled me in silence.   Well, there was a squeaky toy near by that was consulted at some point…so the silence was only broken by SQUEAK!!

Why me, Lord?  Why me?  I asked it again, there on that cold tile floor.  My God-perspective was completely gone….zilch, zero, nada.

When the tears seemed to stop, my husband helped me gently to stand.  Nothing appeared broken.  He helped me walk to the living room and wrapped my knee in ice.  He chatted with me and made me laugh as always.  I did have the presence of mind to share with him that I knew my feelings were not of God but rather the enemies’.  My focus was all wrong.  We worked on a couple of things together while on the couch and then it was time for him to go….

He left for the airport … and I sat on the couch.  Max came to sit next to me.  I was about to start crying again and focus on the fall, my joints, and my body.  My mind immediately went to a Study I am doing with my dear friends M and T across the miles:   Discerning the Voice of God:  How to Recognize When God Speaks by Priscilla Shirer.   I had just read and completed one of the days earlier.  I opened the book and there were the following sections underlined in pink:

“The World steers you to your strengths, God works through your weaknesses.”

“His Word will often compel me to step outside the comfort zone of my natural abilities and into the realm of His supernatural possibilities.”

“He will frequently ask you to do something you’d never do on your own.”

I am a natural leader.  I am not functioning that way right now.  What He is doing is pulling me out of my comfort zone and working in my weaknesses…my body…He wants me to see His supernatural possibilities through my joints.

And now, there were tears of a different kind.   He knows me.  He made me as I am.  He orchestrates my life.  He is the best orchestral conductor EVER…with no equal.  He has a sheet of music that is titled “Yvonne’s life as Designed to Glorify Me.”  It is beautiful.  It is special.  There are times when I don’t think I hit the right note or when the sound does not come up just as I think it should.   He already knew that “off” note was there and its exact location in the overall piece.  And it still part of a beautiful piece of music.  In the “off” notes, I can see Him more clearly.    He was on the tile floor comforting me too….drawing me to Him, asking for my focus to be on Him.

As if to help me see HIM further, He sent a verse from the Psalms (music!):  Psalm 139:14…”I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are your works, And that my soul knows very well.”

The enemy wished for me to focus on my weak body.  The Lord wished for me to focus on His strength in my weakness. I am wonderfully made….He made me with special joints.  I am a marvelous work even if I see weakness.  He sees something different:  His STRONG creation not limited by my joints.

So, the right question is not really Why me, but Why not me?   Instead of seeing the pain or my weak joints or worrying about just how bruised and sore I will be tomorrow.  After all, there is already a lump on my knee!  I am now asking…how will You be glorified in my body?  What will I learn from this that will draw me closer to You?  How will others be reached by this?

He gave the ultimately sacrifice of His son for me. Am I willing to sacrifice for Him?  Sacrificing or giving God my talents is easy…He has called me to real sacrifice….in my case, in my body.  There seems to be no strength there…but there is….His Supernatural Possibilities are around the corner!!!!

Ultimately, this life is not about me and it is not about you.  It is about Him in us.  I am ready to ask…Why not me?  Are you ready to ask the same question?

Why not let Him be magnified in our weakness?

 

When I got home from work yesterday, I finally saw the news online and on TV that Billy Graham had died at the age of 99.  Tears welled up in my eyes.  They were not tears of sadness but of joy….he had not died….he had finally gone home!!!

I pictured him standing before the Lord.  I was overwhelmed by the scene in my mind and could barely hold it in.   He would be receiving his crown from the Savior he had served through years and years of service.  He held 417 crusades in his lifetime…..and I was present at number 272 in Mexico City, Mexico.

I was transported immediately to 1981.  I was 11 years old and living in a huge, beautiful city.   One of the largest in the world with almost 17 million people (back then!).  Billy Graham would be there in El Estadio Azteca (the Aztec Stadium).  At least, that is where I remember where it was to be held.  My father would be helping as an usher through our church there.    He got a ticket for me and my mom.  We were way up in the nose bleed section.  I remember that Billy Graham looked so tiny from so far away but his message was so big…..!!  It was all about Christ and how it would only be through HIM that we could have true love, peace, and eternity.  It was a classic salvation message.    I remember thinking about several different things even at my young age.  The first was….this is so cool….so many people here to listen to him.  He’s American, I’m American.

Yes, the first few thoughts were very child like thoughts.  But then, I thought of Mexico and how this man was there in my second home country preaching a message of salvation.  I remember praying right up there from my perch that many would come to Christ and that Mexico would see a wave of conversions.   I remember his big voice…or maybe it was the translator’s voice….either way, I heard the message in a big, loud way.   AND IT WAS AWESOME……..

At the end of that night’s Crusade many people received Christ and I was sooo excited.    I  realized, we make a difference as Christians.  I had heard it at church but I finally understood it at this Crusade.  He was making a difference in a “huge” way but it wasn’t just reserved for him.  I could do it too….I walked out of there on fire!!!  I am grateful to this day that in seeing him some day in March of 1981, I saw the impact one man can make….the impact one Christian can make.

Billy Graham’s stage was the world and he always gave glory to the Father…in fact, I am sure he would say….it was the Lord’s stage and he was just teaching from the heart.  He always struck me as very humble and so many people have echoed this and they actually knew him.

When God received Billy Graham on Wednesday, 2/21/2018….He threw open His arms and said:  “Well done, good and faithful servant;  you have been faithful over…things.”  (Matthew 25:23) and his humble servant, Billy, bowed in adoration…wow!

Billy Graham made a difference in just my life at the age of 11….and he made an impact on more than 250 million lives (just in person) and countless others through radio, television, etc.  He repeated God’s message of salvation.  We can all make an impact one life at a time….he was an evangelist that showed me, I could do it too….

One day I hope to hear my Father say…..Well done, Yvonne, well done.  You were my good and faithful servant.  And out of the corner of my eye, I am sure I will see Billy Graham’s young self not too far away just as happy as can be….in fact, never happier.

From my small corner of the world, I say:  Well done Billy Graham, well done!!

 

 

Obedience is hard.  I wish it were easier and then I would do it all the time!  But, it isn’t and I am struck by how many steps I must take to get there.  I am tired just thinking about it and the possible miss-steps along the way are also daunting.  In fact, failure is also scary.   At the very earliest point in 2018, I felt the gentle prodding of the Spirit to read the Bible in one year.   The problem?  I have felt the prodding before at the beginning of the last few years…..and what have I done?  Ignored it one year, started and quit early on (three weeks) and finally quit after a couple of months (even after buying and using a very snazzy highlighter…where is that thing?).  Ah, obedience…..it is hard.

I have done this disciplined reading before in my walk with God and have done it to the end…..but this time I was going to restart my many year attempt of NOT doing it successfully.   It was a bit different though on that early morning.   I turned to my husband and said….I am going to read the Bible this year from cover to cover.  I feel like I have to….(and the Spirit said…..”YAY!”).   He said….GREAT, I will join you…..He is always so supportive!

Step 1….The stirring of the Spirit

Step 2…Accountability

The adventure has only been going on from January and part of February so far but I feel it…I feel the difference…..It is called a desire to be obedient….a topic for another day.

God always likes to reinforce things with those of us who are a little more stubborn than the “regular” brothers and sisters in Christ.  I was hit in the head with Scripture on one of these days of reading and I cannot get the phrase out of my head.  My reading for February 14th was a section of Exodus.  Exodus 39:1  through 40:38 to be exact.  It was repeated 17 times and I highlighted them all in red.

“As the LORD commanded…”

The picture of my Daily Reading is above and if you flip the page, you will see 3 more highlights.  The passage is all about the Clothes for the Priests and Setting up the Holy Tent.  This may not seem as gripping or moving as other parts of Scripture but God sure did use it for me.  The Israelites, Moses, etc….did As the LORD commanded.  

Immediately, I thought of all the things that the LORD had commanded me to do and that I had not done or only done half-heartedly (which is really the same as not doing it at all!).  Conviction was heavy….but thank God for His Grace!  Some of the things He has called me to do….well, the time has passed…..and these opportunities may come back around differently or not at all.

But as usual, He does not give up on me and there is still time to take action on a few outstanding obedience items.    Then more will come…..and more…..and more…..

So, I embark today on my second outstanding item….albeit also delayed and several years in the making…..my electronic journal/blog.  Journaling and sharing is something I have been prodded to do in the past and I have not always followed through (again, like not doing it at all!).  So, here I am doing the Not So Random Ruminations blog.  This is really another stop in my journey…and whether it is read by just me and my dear husband or by many…..I will be blessed through obedience.

Step 3…Action

 

 

 

Thanks for joining me!

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton